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Psychology

How I learned to love myself again after a toxic relationship

Hey there, my name is Jack. I’m 26 years old and recently single. No, this isn’t a dating profile.

But it was relationships and dating that brought me to my knees, emotionally speaking.

I will try my best to not make this sound like a cry for help, as I believe I am past that stage now.

For the first time in a long time – I feel in control of my mind and emotions. But it wasn’t always that simple.

So strap in, buckle up – this is my story.

I’ve always been that guy that was in relationships. I wasn’t the type to jump between partners, I liked the feeling of being settled with someone and offering them all I have.

For the best part of my life, I was happy and committed to my then-girlfriend. We had been together since our prom night in the eighth grade.

We battled being apart at University and everything else that life threw at us. But whatever came our way, we took in our stride. Nothing would keep us apart.

We would always speak about our future together and what it might entail. We seemed to have it all figured out from marriage to wedding days and honeymoons.

I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else, and she would always tell me that she felt the same. And I believed her.

It sounds like a perfect fairytale relationship, doesn’t it?

And it was. Or at least it felt like it.

I can never really pinpoint where things started to go wrong, but subtle changes here and there began to creep in about a year ago.

Man holding frog

Not to sound like the jealous boyfriend, but she started spending more and more time with her personal trainer. It meant nothing to me for a while – she wanted to get in shape, and he was good at his job. Why be worried?

But soon, my thoughts turned into reality.

She had fallen in love with someone else. I respected her honesty in telling me forthright. But that pain of someone choosing someone else over you cut me deep.

I soon realized that I was on my own. My social life was pretty poor. I was always with my girlfriend and had almost cut myself out of my former friend groups.

They say time is the greatest healer, but it was just a day after day of drawn-out sadness for me

Family and friends are often places for people to confide in, but I didn’t have that type of relationship with my family. We never talked about things seriously.

I began to feel severely depressed. I beat myself up for not offering my girlfriend what she needed. I blamed myself for what had happened.

I was utterly disillusioned and lost my grasp of all rational thoughts. My head wasn’t a good place to be. I wanted out.

I thought speaking to someone might help, but I didn’t dare to console myself with a family member or friend. They’d just tell me to get over it.

A break-up shouldn’t make you feel this way for so long, surely?

Maybe I was just weak and needed to see a specialist.

I Googled potential therapists nearby but was staggered by the cost. As someone who had only been out of studying for a few years, I didn’t have the means to afford it.

So I felt alone. Trapped in a one-room apartment with nothing by my thoughts and a hold bunch of memories

One evening, I decided to check out some forums and see if anyone out there had any suggestions on how to get better.

There was an abundance of apps aimed at improving your mental health, but one that kept coming up was called Sensa.

One story that resonated with me was a man even younger than myself, who had lost someone dear to him – he had started to shut himself off from the world too.

We exchanged some comments on the thread and built up some sort of digital rapport.

He encouraged me to download Sensa and get help straight away, and for some reason, I listened to this stranger.

Thank God I did.

I had tried using the app Calm for a few weeks at the start of the breakup – but it wasn’t what I needed, and it became too pricey for me.

Sensa was everything I needed, all in one easy to manage, affordable package

Unlike seeing a private therapist in some random office, I could use Sensa from my own home.

And in terms of cost, I paid for Netflix and Amazon monthly, so this subscription-based option was ideal for someone of my age and financial means.

It gave me something to focus on. I had a plan made entirely for me, a way to help me guide my thoughts and think positively.

Man near the drums

Every day, I was provided with materials to help me combat my negative thoughts. It also gave me some great daily exercises that offered such a calming response.

The ‘my plan’ section of the app gives you a detailed 84-day plan. It comes equipped with reading materials and tips and tricks to help you regain control of your moods.

Once I got into a routine and my habits began to improve, I started feeling comfortable in my skin.

Even the mood journal that I initially doubted worked great for me. I could visibly see the improvement I was making daily and weekly – it made me feel proud.

What’s even better is the app relies on the expertise of professional psychiatrists, so a lot of careful thought and consideration has gone into making it.

So let me explain to you where I’m at now

Now that the cloud of blame and doubt is void of me, I am preparing to go on a fifth date with a lovely lady I met online.

I always have the slight niggle in the back of my mind that fears I may be let down again, but I have learned to control that.

There is no point in constantly worrying, and Sensa reminds me of how far I have come. Hell, it’s the reason I have made it this far.

Man with backpack

So whatever it is that might be bringing you down. Help and support are available to you. I just wish I’d discovered it sooner.

Even when I feel good, I still check into letting the app know. It quickly became a part of my daily ritual.

I encourage you to reach out and try it yourself. You won’t be disappointed.

It just takes a few clicks and some open honesty about yourself in their short quiz, then you are well and truly on your way… I for the best part of my life.

Try it yourself by clicking the button below – I genuinely wish you all the best on your journey!

Always consult a professional for medical advice.

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3 Comments

  1. I didn’t use Sensa for long but so far it is helping me stop being so damn anxious.

  2. Yeah getting over a breakup can be tough as a man. Always hearing that we need to just man up and get over it, so it’s nice to see people finally taking it seriously.

  3. Been there, done that. Getting over my last breakup sucked, but the app genuinely helped me calm down and stop overthinking things.

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