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Fasting

How Fasting Rekindled My Connection With God and Changed My Life

I remember it as the most devastating moment of my life.

I was saying goodbye to my mother, just 2 months after my father had passed. My pain and grief were consuming me.

I was losing my faith.

I didn’t understand what I did to deserve this.

I was so preoccupied with how unfair life was.

I had always been a Churchgoer. I’d go every Sunday and any time I needed to make an important decision. The Church was my relief after a hard week and a way to feel seen. My existence mattered, and I’d felt valued as a creation of God.

It wasn’t easy, and I didn’t always get the answers I wanted, but it kept me on a good path.

But I found myself stuck inside my head and my bed, unable to open up to any other experience aside from pain.

It seems funny to me now how desperate I was before I found something that would help me and so many others.

I didn’t feel like I was a good person anymore

I turned away from my family. When my children needed me the most, I let them mourn the loss not only of their grandparents but also their mother. I was so cold and distant, it wouldn’t have made a difference if I wasn’t there at all.

I rejected any help from my husband. I let him bear the full responsibility of taking care of the kids and the house. I hated that I was breaking our wedding vows to help and support him no matter the circumstances, but I didn’t feel like there was anything I could do.

And not only did I stop going to Church, but I also stopped talking to God altogether.

For 4 long months, I gave up on life. I was a shell of a human being.

I was lying there, thinking about the most precious moments I’d had with my parents, and how I will never be able to experience them again.

The only thing that gave me anything remotely close to joy was food.

So I disappeared from the world and led a sad life of gluttony, in my room, with the curtains shut.

My room was slowly drowning in food wrappers. It felt like I was taking up more and more space in the bed, when all I wanted to do was shrink away from the world.

Whenever my husband would walk in the room, I’d notice him looking away from my body that was changing.

After months of this, on the rare occasions that I did look in a mirror, I found myself unrecognizable. And that sent me down a whole new spiral.

How could I have let myself go like this? 

Throughout this time, my husband had been incredibly patient with me

He didn’t push me, and he talked – most days at me, rather than with me – with words of kindness and love.

My husband even agreed with the pastor to come to our house once every two weeks to read from the Bible or just talk to me.

Even though I wouldn’t show it, I was skeptical of his words. I felt betrayed and distrustful in the word of God. After all, how could He let this happen to me?

Nothing the pastor could say would ever bring my parents back. Or make me believe that everything will ever be okay.

But as the pastor persisted to come, I had no choice but to listen to him speak.

He would stay for up to an hour at a time, just talking to me about whatever he spoke about in Church that week.

As Lent was approaching, he talked about how Jesus fasted for forty days to avoid Satan’s temptations, and after that agonizing time, angels came and took care of him.

He finished the story from the Bible, and he asked me what I was giving up for Lent. After he didn’t receive an answer, he said he hoped it was my pain that I would let go of, at least until Easter.

“We need you back, Michelle. I know your faith is being tested, but your path to a life worth living again lies with your ability to cut through the pain and rekindle your connection to God.”

After he left, I started thinking. Letting go of the pain and getting back to who I once was (both physically and mentally) was all I wanted, but I’d been so used to the darkness of my soul and my room, I couldn’t imagine living without it. And then I found I wanted to try one last thing to make myself better.

At some point, after I’d been mindlessly scrolling on my phone, I decided to look into fasting. I read about fasting in the Bible and how it helped people gain clarity, become closer to God, and feel more human.

Then I started going onto blogs, reading about other people’s experiences of fasting. As hard as it sounded in some cases, it seemed to make people happier, help them deal with their relationship with themselves.

I thought about the things I’ve read on the internet and how I wanted to resist the temptation to stay in the darkness. I wanted to try fasting to gain clarity and hopefully come back to God in the process. Of course, I wasn’t sure it was going to work, but it seemed like the most straightforward thing I could do to help myself.

I knew I was going to have to do it safely.

I looked into anything I could find to help me go on my fasting journey. I even gathered the energy and courage to ask around in our Church community. Apparently, I wasn’t the first person to turn to fasting as a way to reclaim themselves and a path to God.

I stumbled on a community in our city that used fasting to help them support their healing journey. They would all connect over their love for God, and they would fast individually. This left them with more time and headspace for prayer.

Two middle aged women

But I wasn’t ready to do something so drastic by myself just yet. I needed help for the fasting part, more than I did for the God part.

So I dug back into my research online, until…

I’d found what I was looking for to get back on track

The app is called DoFasting.

As I was getting the app, I noticed that it was very thorough in accessing my health before I even started.

After all, if I was going to offer my fast to God, I needed to make sure that I was doing it in a sustainable way.

Even if 40 days of no food worked for Jesus, I felt it would have been the end of me, so I took the nutritionist-approved fasting plan that the app offered me. I didn’t need to stop eating completely, and the time periods for fasting were set up specifically for me.

I took the time to heal. The time I had away from eating let me slowly think about how life was passing me by, and eventually begin praying again.

I had access to hundreds of recipes, which I first asked my husband to make for me. Soon enough, since the recipes were so easy and I didn’t want to be a burden anymore, I started cooking them myself, even involving my kids.

Over time, I felt like I had more energy, my prayers to become better seemed to be heard.

Even though I wasn’t expecting much, even my weight from my months of gluttony started disappearing.

I was becoming more like myself – both in body and spirit.

After a few weeks of fasting, even though I still hurt and grieved, I decided it was time to leave the house.

On Easter Sunday, I went to the service in Church

The pastor saw me walking in as he was preparing to speak.

He’d heard about my journey of returning to myself and my faith over my fast, both from my husband and from me, when I was ready to talk to him. I’m sure he noticed I was a bit lighter in my step as well.

In the service, he talked about not only how we should celebrate the rising of Christ but to take that as an example, as we are capable of resurrecting on our own scale, in our own lives.

Because we, as people, are valuable because we are created by God. Even if we sometimes may forget that value.

But that was 3 years ago.

Even though I thought I would be finished by that Easter, I found it easy to continue with the fasting lifestyle way after.

I’ve been happier, more energetic, and willing to give back more while fasting. I was excited to support my community after they all rallied together to help me during my darkest time.

Middle aged woman holding a dog

Ever since, I’ve taken to become a spokesperson for fasting. For anyone with issues, big or small, I recommend starting with the DoFasting app and prayer, and while you probably won’t get a straightforward answer to whatever you’re trying to solve in life, you might find it to be a lot clearer.

And if you’ve read this, you’re probably looking to rekindle or improve your relationship with God.

Trust me, DoFasting will take care of the physical part of your worries to help you with the spiritual.

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Results may vary due to personal features.

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